Oct
Allah created the universe with laws and commandments that govern and regulate the proper existence of His creations. And among His signs is that He created everything in pairs. He made the male gender attractive to the female and vice versa. It is He Who also made marriage lawful and forbade us from fornication and adultery. Allah says:
And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. – Qur’an 30[Rum]:21
Marriage in Islam is more than just a legal contract as some would think. It is a profound partnership designed to bring two souls together on a journey of mutual support, love, and spiritual growth. Marriage stands as a beautiful, intricate design, woven with threads of love, commitment, and shared values. It’s a journey of mutual connection, understanding, and spiritual growth.
In a time where distractions are endless, focusing on the shared values that bring lasting blessings into a union can be transformative. In this piece, we shall examine how couples can cultivate a marriage grounded in Islamic values that fosters harmony and blessing for both partners.
The Foundation of a Blessed Union
The foundation of every deed should start with sincere intentions – marriage is not an exception. Before stepping into marriage, ask yourself: Why am I getting married? When both partners align their intentions to seek the pleasure of Allah through their relationship, every interaction becomes an act of worship. Whether it’s showing kindness, forgiveness, or simply sharing a meal, these small moments accumulate into blessings when the intention is to please Allah.
When both husband and wife prioritize their relationship with Allah, they can foster a stronger bond, free from selfish desires. This shared goal of pleasing Allah transforms a marriage into a vehicle for spiritual growth. Allah’s Apostle PBUH emphasized this to us:
“Actions are but by intentions, and every man shall have only that which he intended.” – Sahih Bukhari
After setting your intentions right, then both of you should have shared values because these will serve as the bedrock upon which a strong and enduring marriage will be built. They serve as your guiding compass, directing your actions and decisions toward a common goal. Imagine if both couples have a shared value of being Allah’s vicegerents, they will have no difficulty worshipping Allah together, raising righteous offspring, or striving for Jannah as the ultimate goal.
When couples share similar values, they are more likely to experience:
- Harmony and Understanding: A shared value system fosters a sense of harmony and understanding between partners. It provides a common ground for communication, conflict resolution, and decision-making.
- Spiritual Growth: Engaging in shared spiritual practices can deepen the connection between partners and strengthen their bond with Allah SWT and adhering to the sunnah of the Messenger PBUH.
- Meaningful Intimacy: When couples share similar values, their physical intimacy is rooted in emotional and spiritual connection, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful experience.
- Shared Purpose: A shared sense of purpose and direction can inspire couples to work together towards common goals and aspirations.
- Peace and Love: Having shared values breeds trust, knowing that your partner has got your back and in turn gives you peace of mind. This strengthens the bond and increases the love for each other.
Cultivating Shared Values
Building a blessed matrimony based on shared values requires conscious effort and dedication. Here are some practical tips to help you nurture this essential aspect of your relationship:
1. Anchor Your Lives strictly in Islamic Values
Marriage becomes a source of harmony when couples build their lives around shared Islamic values. These values guide decisions, set boundaries, and offer clarity during challenges. By instilling these principles, couples build a marriage that thrives on divine guidance rather than fleeting emotions. Some of the core values in Islamic marriages include:
- Mindfulness of Allah: Remembering Allah in every situation helps couples avoid conflicts driven by ego or emotions. It also helps to fulfill each others rights and obligations.
- Patience: You will always be tested during your marital sojourn but remaining patient through difficult times strengthens the marital bond.
- Respect: Islam teaches that mutual respect is essential. When respect forms the basis of interactions, love naturally flourishes. While it’s very essential that the wife respects her husband as head of household, the man should also reciprocate this by being merciful.
- Kindness: This is a great virtue that both couples need to harness throughout their marital journey. Even small acts of kindness can bring immense joy to both partners.
2. Communicate with Compassion:
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) exemplified gentle and effective communication while dealing with his spouses. Couples should strive to communicate with compassion, avoiding harsh words or criticism that can lead to discord. When disagreements arise, it’s important to remember that healthy communication is not about winning an argument but about resolving it in a way that preserves the dignity and emotional well-being of both partners.
Developing active listening skills is just as important as speaking kindly. Listening to your spouse without interrupting or dismissing their feelings fosters trust and closeness. This type of communication creates an environment where both partners feel valued, loved and trusted. Allah reminds us in the Qur’an thus:
“And speak to people kindly…” – Qur’an 2[Al-Baqarah]:83
3. Be Grateful for Each Other:
Gratitude in marriage is often overlooked, yet it is a key ingredient for lasting happiness. Expressing thanks for both the big and small things helps nurture a positive environment. So many women in marriages fail to acknowledge the role of their husbands and this would lead to a means of punishment in the afterlife. Allah’s Apostle PBUH mentioned this to us:
Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“Allah will not look at a woman who is ungrateful to her husband while she cannot take care of herself without him.” – An-Nasai’
By regularly acknowledging and appreciating your spouse’s efforts—whether it’s for their role as a provider, caretaker, or simply for their presence—both partners foster a marriage rooted in positivity and contentment. Make it a point of duty to always compliment and appreciate each other.
Allah promises more blessings to those who are grateful:
“If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]…” – Qur’an 14[Ibrahim]:7
4. Strengthen Your Relationship Through Worship:
When a couple prays together, they strengthen their bond in ways that transcend the material world. Performing salah, making du’a for one another, and reading Qur’an together invites Allah’s mercy into the marriage. It’s through such acts of worship that the couple elevates their relationship to one that not only serves their needs in this world but also prepares them for the hereafter. It’s really sad that many couples do not even strive or aspire to remain husband and wife in Jannah.
Encourage each other to grow in faith by learning about Islam together, supporting each other in personal ibadah, and ensuring that your household reflects the values you hold dear. When both partners walk the path of righteousness, they create an environment that invites the peace and blessings of Allah. Allah’s Apostle encouraged us to do this as well:
Narrated Abu Hurairah: “The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: ‘May Allah (SWT) have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes his wife and she prays, and if she refuses he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah (SWT) have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, then she wakes her husband and prays, and if he refuses she sprinkles water in his face.'” – Sunan An-Nasa’i
5. Practice Forgiveness and Avoid Holding Grudges:
No marriage is free from mistakes or misunderstandings, but a blessed marriage is one where both partners are willing to forgive. Holding onto resentment or allowing minor disagreements to build can poison the relationship over time. Being quick to forgive and forget fosters an atmosphere of mercy, where both husband and wife can feel safe to be vulnerable, knowing they are valued beyond their shortcomings. Islam places great importance on forgiveness, as Allah says in the Qur’an:
“Pardon them and overlook – Allah loves those who do good.” – Qur’an 5[Al-Ma’idah]:13
However, there should also be a balance when it comes to this act of forgiveness as well. Some couples like to take advantage of their partners knowing that they are forgiving and merciful, they continue to indulge in those wrongful acts with the aim that they will be forgiven. This is not what is encouraged to be tolerated at all.
6. Create Shared Goals for the Future:
A blessed marriage is one where both partners share a vision for the future. Setting spiritual and personal goals together can help couples stay united through life’s transitions. Whether it’s deciding to give more in charity, raising righteous children, or making a plan for Hajj, having shared goals creates a sense of purpose and teamwork in the marriage. These goals give the relationship direction and help ensure that both partners are accountable to each other while growing together, rather than drifting apart.
7. Considering Marriage as a Trust:
In Islam, marriage is a sacred trust. Both partners are entrusted with the well-being, care and happiness of the other. This requires constant nurturing, commitment, and renewal of intentions. By embracing this mindset, both spouses commit to taking care of the other with kindness, love, patience and understanding, while fulfilling their role as a partner in this blessed union.
Remember, The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“The best of you are the best to your wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.” – Sunan al-Tirmidhi
Conclusion
Building a blessed marriage is a continuous journey that requires dedication, faith, and a shared commitment to Islamic values. When both partners strive to seek Allah’s pleasure, communicate kindly, and support each other through worship, they transform their marriage into a source of endless bliss. By anchoring the relationship in faith and nurturing it with love, patience, and gratitude, couples can enjoy not only the sweetness of this life but also the promise of an eternal union in the hereafter, Insha’Allah. Remember that building a strong marriage takes time, effort, and dedication. With patience, understanding, and a commitment to these shared values we mentioned, you can create a lasting bond that will bring joy and happiness to your lives. May Allah bless you with the sweetness of matrimony and safeguard you from its agonies. Amin! Read more on the secret of successful marriage here