Brothers and sisters in Islaam, we all know that ships that cross the ocean and carry people cannot travel without a captain to navigate them so that they will bring their passengers to the safe shore. The Muslim family now is like a ship on a turbulent sea of trials and tribulations and things that may lead to doom. The enemies of Islam have united to weaken the Muslim family and indeed to wipe it out, and they are using all possible means to achieve that. These global conferences that move from one country to another, led by global organisations and leaders, have the sole aim of destroying the Muslim family, severing its bonds, taking away its modesty and killing its chastity. These satellite channels have a bad effect on the Muslim family; these newspapers and magazines and other media are all trying to achieve one goal that is obvious to any observer.
It is through these crashing waves that the ship of the Muslim family must sail, and if it does not have a wise and rational captain, then it will be wrecked.
The head of the family is the captain of that ship. We do not blame any father who fears temptation or corruption for his family and children. These corruptions have become too many and too strong for the head of the family to resist them on his own, so how about if that is compounded by his wife not helping him in that? Indeed, how will it be if she opposes him in his efforts to save the family from these temptations and corruptions?
You should understand that the matter is not trivial and that you have to be the best help to your husband in guiding the members of your family. Even if you are not convinced of his rulings and decisions, you should not oppose him or go against him, especially in front of your children, because that will have an extremely bad effect on the upbringing of your children.
What the father wants from his family members will be something supported by an Islamic text enjoins or something that he thinks is in the best interests of his children, so he enjoins it because it is in their best interests, or he forbids it because it is detrimental to them. If there is any room for discussion with regard to the latter issue, there is no room for discussion with regard to the former, because sharee‘ah governs all our actions and we do not have the option of not accepting it and implementing it.
You should understand that Allah, may He be exalted, has commanded you and your husband to protect yourselves against His Fire, and also to protect your children. The matter is not trivial; rather it is extremely serious. Your husband is not the only one who will be asked about his flock; rather you will be asked likewise.
Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [al-Tahreem 66:6].
It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allah ibn ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) say: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler of the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his household and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for her flock. The slave is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari (853) and Muslim (1829).
You should understand that raising your children should not be done with harshness and cruelty, nor should they be neglected.
The scholars of the Standing Committee were asked: What is the successful way for parents to raise their children?
They replied: The successful way to raise children is the moderate or middle way, in which there is no excessive strictness or neglect. There should be no violence or harshness, and there should be no neglect or carelessness. The father should raise his children, teach them, direct them and guide them to good characteristics and etiquette, and he should forbid to them every bad characteristic or attitude.
And Allah is the source of strength; may Allah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and Companions. End quote.
Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Razzaaq ‘Afeefi, Shaykh ‘Abd-Allah ibn Ghadyaan
Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 25/290, 291
You should understand that Islam enjoins you to teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and it enjoins you to separate them in their beds when they are ten years old. This is so that they will grow up in the best way and so that they will be righteous in the future. Even if they are not yet accountable – because they have not yet reached puberty – this does not mean that their guardians and families should not instruct them to do that which is in their best interests. The command here is addressed to you, not to them. The matter here is what is good for them and for you.
In this way you can raise them to have a good character and attitude in general, to be modest and especially to be chaste. That also includes instructing them to guard their chastity and not to wear tight or short clothes. On the one hand, this has to do with raising them to be modest and chaste; on the other hand it has to do with preventing provocation of desire and temptation in those who see them, whether they are members of the family or relatives – for example. Islam cannot enjoin you to separate them in their beds and then allow you to let them wear short and tight clothes all the time they are awake! So think about this and beware lest you be the cause of fitnah (temptation) and corruption for which all the water in the sea could not provide sufficient tears and which would lead to great sorrow and regret.
So be the best help to your husband in obeying Allah and raising your children, and beware of following in the footsteps of the enemies of Islam in describing adherence to sharee‘ah as extreme strictness. Whatever your husband falls short in with regard to himself, advise him and exhort him, and remind him to fear Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; do not take his shortcomings as an excuse for your children’s shortcomings. Seek the help of Allah your Lord to fulfil this trust in the best manner. We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you to do that which pleases Him.