Courting Before Marriage: What Does It Entail? (Part 1)

She sat in the quiet of her room, staring at her phone, wondering whether what she was doing was halal or simply “normal.” Late-night “good night” texts had evolved into emotional confessions. The voice notes were comforting. The laughter was real. Yet something felt off.

“If this is love,” she whispered, “why does it feel heavy on my heart?”

Across the world, millions of Muslim youth wrestle with similar dilemmas. They ask: How do I love without disobeying Allah?

In a world shaped by dating apps, social media flirtations, and “situationships,” Muslims often find themselves navigating confusing emotional terrain. We long for companionship, connection, and attraction—yet we also strive to remain obedient to Allah and protect our hearts.

Islam does not suppress love or attraction; it disciplines them. Instead of casual dating, Islam offers a more purposeful and dignified path toward marriage known as Khitbah—a respectful, intentional form of courtship.

What exactly does this “Islamic courtship” entail? What is allowed? What are off-limits? And how should Muslims approach this journey with clarity and spiritual consciousness?

Khitbah: Love With Purpose

Khitbah refers to a formal proposal of marriage or a declaration of serious intent made to the wali (the bride’s guardian). It is not an emotional test-run or a casual exploration of feelings. In Islam, attraction does not wander aimlessly, it moves with direction. Khitbah is more than a proposal; it is the first step toward a sincere, faith-rooted marriage. It is the moment when two people declare:

“We are not here to play with emotions. We are here seeking halal companionship.”

Allah says:

“There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves. But do not promise them secretly except for saying a proper saying…”

—Qur’an 2[Al-Baqarah]:235

 

This verse affirms Khitbah as a dignified step before marriage; a period meant to explore compatibility without falling into prohibited intimacy. Unlike modern dating culture, which encourages emotional bonding before commitment, Islamic courtship prioritizes:

• purpose before passion
• transparency before attachment
• blessing before pleasure

Islam recognizes the heart’s desires but commands them to walk with dignity. Interest may be expressed; conversations may occur—but always with structure, restraint, and accountability.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ advised companions to approach courtship thoughtfully:

“When one of you proposes to a woman, if he can look at what will encourage him to marry her, let him do so.”

—Sunan Abi Dawūd 2082

From this we learn:

1. A man and woman may meet within Islamic limits, with a mahram’s consent or in supervised/public settings.
2. The intention must be marriage—not entertainment.

The righteous predecessors viewed Khitbah as sacred—brief, respectful, and goal-oriented. When a companion once sought guidance about a woman he hoped to marry, the Prophet ﷺ said:

“Go and look at her, for that will help create affection between you.”

—Sunan Ibn Majah 1865

This forms the foundation of Islamic courtship.

Read our next article for guidelines, boundaries, and the deeper wisdom behind Islamic courtship.